TBD. . . To Be Determined

To Be Determined

“TBD is an abbreviation often meaning in ordinary writing "to be discussed" "to be done", "to be defined", "to be decided", "to be determined", "to be declared", "to be deleted", “to be denounced”, etc.”

TBD, a term used quite often in Interior Design.  Vendor: TBD.  Ship To Address: TBD  and on it goes.  Placeholders for future plans.

Lately it has taken on a new meaning for me  Our Future: TBD….  

I’m a planner so most of the time I feel a sense of control by planning my calendar, where I will go, what I will do.  With SIP  I can still plan but with a few limitations…today I will go to the Kitchen, the Bathroom, maybe walk in the Garden.  If sunny it will definitely  a walk at the coast with Oliver.  What I really want to do is take a drive, to get out of here, to go to Big Sur, anywhere I don’t care just to go.

It is such a reminder to me that even though I feel in my daily life I have a sense of control it is an illusion.  Yes, I can make choices of what I do but there are always limitations, some small and some very big like the effects of COVID.  I pretend I’m in control, it makes me feel better.

One of my greatest values is Faith which leads to Hope. People are survivors and creatives in so many capacities, not just the arts.  I know that we will come out the other side and will have grown from our experiences, that blessings will come out of ashes.   I’ve been making the best of my time at home; working on refining my business, Zooming, Webinaring, generally increasing my knowledge, and gardening my creative joy… 

For me there is a Ying and a Yang for all of this, there are the blessings of having the time to reflect and readjust what I hold dear. At the same time looking and trying to stay casual about it all l can feel the ache in my jaw from the tension of resentment for the isolation and lack of freedom to go and do outside of the home, to be with friends.  It’s important to me to acknowledge my feelings as they are real and I’m thinking others may share similar emotions.

When the gates open we really don’t know what the world will look like economically, socially, and emotionally.  Being sequestered has to have taken an emotional toll on all of us, more I think more than we can imagine.  Don’t they put prisoner’s in isolation for punishment when they misbehave ?  Doesn’t that experience subdue them?  I am also concerned for those of us who live paycheck to paycheck, how are they surviving when out of work.

Hopefully by next month’s newsletter, we will be free to go back to work, to travel, and to roam about as we like, to share a handshake or a long-needed hug.  For me, I hope that the important things I learned during this crisis will stay with me as I re-enter my former life in a brand new way!